How to Keep People from
Occupying the Seat Next
to You in the Bus or Coach
The obvious thing’s to put your luggage on
The seat beside you, but there’s a flaw
In this maneuver. You’re dumb as a prawn
If you don’t know that some are selfish gits
And they’ll insist you move your stuff to make
Some room for them and theirs. Gets on your tits,
No doubt about it. It’s better to snake
Your finger up your nose and pull out snot
When they’re approaching. Almost always does
The trick, that ploy. But if you haven’t got
The guts to do that, then you can just buzz
Them with a frown. Or worst of all, you pile
On pressure: give ’em a BRILLIANT, HUGE SMILE.